exploremusic

Yes, yes, I know that Kraftwerk is based in Dusseldorf, but Germany’s autobahns run everywhere.

I was wandering through the shoe section at the KaDeWe department store, wondering why the quadruple amputee woman was browsing for footwear when I decided “We have to go to Poland.”

I mean, it’s just over there.  I remembered what my friend, Julia, told me last month.  Since she was from the Black Forest and well acquainted with Berlin, I asked her how long it would take to make it to the Polish frontier.  “About an hour,” she said, “longer, if you take an army.”

That settled it.  I called up Avis and ordered a Mercedes C200 diesel with GPS.  I told the woman I wanted to drive to Poland to buy some vodka.

“But we have vodka in Germany, sir,” she said.

“No matter,” I replied.  “The goal is to have fahn fahn fahn on the autobahn.”   She didn’t get it.

“Do you have any experience driving in Germany?”

“I do!  I drove a Trabant around the city yesterday morning!  I did fine!”

“You know those cars aren’t allowed in the city centre anymore, sir.  I hope it was a tourist thing.”

“It was.  Now about that Mercedes…”

A trip into Poland required special insurance (an extra 70 euros), but I figured “How often am I going to roll east from Berlin like it was 1939?”

With the GPS set for Warsaw (I couldn’t think of what else to program, even though it was 600 km away), my wife and I hopped on the autobahn with Kraftwerk cranked from my iPhone.  The diesel quickly dragged us to 110 mph—and we were still being passed in the left lane.  (Note to North Americans:  German driving etiquette is impeccable.  They stop at yellow lights and only pull into the far left lane to pass.  I love them.”

We made it to the Polish frontier in a little less than an hour.  And because Poland is now part of the EU, there’s no border post, so I barely touched the brake as we roared into Eastern Europe.

I was game to push for Warsaw, but my wife wanted to shop for more shoes back in Berlin, forcing me to compromise and buy vodka in the border town of Slubice on the River Oder.  A quick visit to the alcohol shack and we were on our way back to Berlin listening to the awful Polish radio chasing into Germany.  Seriously, what radio programmer would allow “The Look” from Roxettte” to segue into Van Halen and then “In the Navy” by the Village People?

We’re done in Berlin.  Our flight to Moscow leaves in the morning.  And good news:  our tickets for Wednesday night’s U2 show have come through.  This should be interesting…

Click here for part 1, part 2 and part 3.